Big Man

Dear God... if there is someone out there in the luminescent florescent bulb of my existence,


 I cried the other day, vigorously and (as the fool inside would have me write) without shame. I am a joke, at least, they seem to think so. Well, what do I tell those who say, "Don't worry about what the other people think," when 'the other people' are who I should have been looking out for, huh? What they should have said was, "Watch out for everyone, look out for no one but yourself. Oh, and don't trust anybody." But you already know this, right God? So you know when I say, "Dear God," I mean, goddamn well, "Dear God." ... Games are for pussies.


 I don't know what I'm saying now, or, anymore but I know I need some answers, and if 'the big man up stairs' ain't talking... well let's just say I'll be taking an odyssey of my own. I mean, who ever said we all just have to live the American Dream? Live and die happy, I mean, it sounds like something I should want but... I just can't. I need the struggle. I need to pursue. It's just... how I feel alive and, I guess, how I know you are too.


So, when you have time; I mean, no bother... You know. 


Just, kinda, would really like to know how to get shit back to right.


You know who

Universal Love

I don't speak 'I love you' so that when you die, I can still breath.

I don't even know you, my sweet soulmate.

There is no escape from how it goes; universal elements and all. You and I, no matter what we do. Eventually lovers, soulmates always.

If we never meet I wont know it when you die, won't know it but feel it. With my soul wrecked I'll grab my chest and question the stars, only to find there are none to answer because without you they no longer exist. I should have known.

Failed plans amass when a lover denies desire. This does not mask the pain of never knowing you or of loosing you, soulmate. Hasn't ever.

In a better world I wouldn't be too shy to tell you, "I love you."

At the release of those very words thunderheads would burst forth a symphony of colored raindrops while angels wrestle back just the right amount of puffy clouds to let golden sunshine fall right where you are and your radiance would engulf me. The rain in all its booming glory would be our favorite love song.

I'm sorry, I'm already dead if Ive lost the chance to tell you how you reek of beauty and confidence on levels others can't grasp. Or how passion would writhe within my skin at the slightest of your touches.

And that when I dream of you I can see that one glance from my eyes calms you of the same worries.

Yet in that same dream, you lean in close, a kiss, brilliant on my cheek. And then, "I do love you, feel me before we die."

It's always nice to find you're only half wrong about the universe.

Your voice beyond relieves and I know that what I feel daily is a direct tie to you, to your life.

I 'll know it if you die before we meet.

I'll know it because I'll die too.