Within the events of my heart dates have been removed, lifetimes changed. A part of me has disappeared, once forgotten, remembered for you, now forgotten once again.

There is a tree, a cherry blossom, from which my heart hung. Picked; pink and solitary. Even away from the branch; at your touch, your taste, life was sustained. Upon your release; the thought of you wasn't enough. Decay, not ideal enough for how this heart feels. Without passion this heart ceases to exist.

As many times as you were right; this hurts the most to acknowledge... that you are serious to speak, "never together," My heart is broken and beside it leaks my soul. Pretty, red and ending. But I am strong... the one thing you were wrong about. Now, the only thing I have to live for are those once misspoken words. 

I will move on, survive... love again. 

Dreams from a simple heart

lightly crying, letting it all out. he sits there blankly in mind. the idea that he would give up to be with me. trust me this hurts more than you think. The simple mind could find no fault in the man with a great heart. To walk away would be keen in the absence of love. To surrender and live; dreams from a simple heart. The tears are drying now, cheeks rosy, lips... moist. With the flick of his tongue the salty residue is brought into his being. How could something as sweet as a tear cause more harm on a wound? Along with memorable kisses and divine speech,  swords of effort and courage given once to you now slice through the bars at chained emotion.

vulnerable

When exactly was I supposed to know? They say, "When the earth trembles," or,  "You feel it in your bones." When a rainbow cries how do you stop it from ripping the fabric of reality? Each tear, a wave of pain, crashing against the backside of the moon, pulling us closer. A sign to continue. A threat that this could be the last time for help. Thick billows of silvery grey smoke escape from my ears, releasing pressure; allowing communication. Technically, I'm fine. But from another angle issues run around poking closely at the scars from yesterday.

At the heart of this body exists a room with a thousand doors; there is only one for you right now. The rest are battling back tides from oceans of emotions. The doors holding them are degenerate and failing. I have only enough strength to hold them back for the one who will one day open them all,  release the pounding evidence and hold me close as we take on the fight together.

In the middle of disaster, there is one thing that grows. A single seed that survives, branching out and rooting in every memory, past or present. It invades confusion and breathes grace into it's lungs. It, is Love. Trust it. Unconditionally. Be willing to take the risk.

this is me... vulnerable

I already can't stand being away from you and the thought of loosing you to someone else or a mistake i've made weighs heavily on my conscious. I hate who I am when you are not around, the lack of characteristics upon my shoulders humiliates me. when you are gone I am more than alone. since I've met you, when i am alone, it's constant heartache. When you asked if i would marry you I meant it when I said yes even though we had only been on three dates. When I tell you I love you it comes from the one place I can't fully access unless you are there. I do feel safe when I'm with you. to give up addiction for your love is a fight I willingly gear up for.
I see you and nothing else matters. I want to be the best for you but I'm afraid im not. good enough. I feel like i could never understand why you love me. tonight i went out with you with the thought in my head that you were going to ask me to marry you. I would have and still will quit my job and leave my life to be with you. does that make me vulnerable, am I stupid to have the thoughts? Is that what true love is. desiring to be with the one you love, always? but I'm not going to. won't give into the lies that I can't find love with a man. because if i could, I have. so when I left the official third date  I was lost. heartbroken. I want to say that I knew you weren't going to ask me. and good. because I know now that you weren't ready to. me either. but the pain i felt when I went home without you. perfection in emotion. I guess I really did want you to ask me. more than I knew myself.
Sacrifice is next on my list. I need to feel the life I have snuffed out burn warmer now. I will not loose you to a mistake or a lie.

When we kiss, your lips glide across mine like a finely tuned dance. I love it when you pull me in closer. I get so nervous when you touch me still. your hands are firm and gracious as the hold me. your kisses to my forehead drive me wild.

so how am i the only one that has stuff to work on? just because i opened up to you about my life and issues means that you get to keep your shit private?

did you know, like I did, the first time we really met face to face. Boy you were cute. I couldn't even think. goofy and real. humbly sweet; a man with a child's heart. When people say they've found their other half... it makes so much sense now.

did you know like I did, when i saw your face for real the first time w actually met. I get scared knowing that you really want me the way you do. already comfortable, this relationship had gone from good to great. A constant state of aroused awareness. you are my other half. And around you I feel whole. It's a story or fairytale that's been told, heard and passed down for generations. Love. 

It's a long drive and the wait, unbearable. I love you has already been spoken and now we fight to see if it last. But that first impression, to live or die for love. The best impression. Serious looks and fumbling hands. Something has kept us from meeting before now... fate. I never believed it either; never though I could be 'The One' for another. By the end of lunch I want nothing more than to be wrapped in your arms,  movie in the background, asleep on your chest. You said that night you could feel my heartbeat. I say right now that I will always feel yours.

Parts of me are confused. I shouldn't be saying these things yet. Maybe I am vulnerable. But... I love him. there is no one else but him.  No one, but there is a bane, it's me. My addictions are guarded for now. Friends say to tell him, I say if it works then the changes I will make for him are welcomed. I don't want him to hurt.
I'm going to keep this cup we got on our first date together, maybe it won't work out but god I hope it does.