this is me... vulnerable

I already can't stand being away from you and the thought of loosing you to someone else or a mistake i've made weighs heavily on my conscious. I hate who I am when you are not around, the lack of characteristics upon my shoulders humiliates me. when you are gone I am more than alone. since I've met you, when i am alone, it's constant heartache. When you asked if i would marry you I meant it when I said yes even though we had only been on three dates. When I tell you I love you it comes from the one place I can't fully access unless you are there. I do feel safe when I'm with you. to give up addiction for your love is a fight I willingly gear up for.
I see you and nothing else matters. I want to be the best for you but I'm afraid im not. good enough. I feel like i could never understand why you love me. tonight i went out with you with the thought in my head that you were going to ask me to marry you. I would have and still will quit my job and leave my life to be with you. does that make me vulnerable, am I stupid to have the thoughts? Is that what true love is. desiring to be with the one you love, always? but I'm not going to. won't give into the lies that I can't find love with a man. because if i could, I have. so when I left the official third date  I was lost. heartbroken. I want to say that I knew you weren't going to ask me. and good. because I know now that you weren't ready to. me either. but the pain i felt when I went home without you. perfection in emotion. I guess I really did want you to ask me. more than I knew myself.
Sacrifice is next on my list. I need to feel the life I have snuffed out burn warmer now. I will not loose you to a mistake or a lie.

When we kiss, your lips glide across mine like a finely tuned dance. I love it when you pull me in closer. I get so nervous when you touch me still. your hands are firm and gracious as the hold me. your kisses to my forehead drive me wild.

so how am i the only one that has stuff to work on? just because i opened up to you about my life and issues means that you get to keep your shit private?